Watt's Well

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Tag: awareness

Day 19-20:: Break for fall

Yesterday the final script for me was my eyes batting off sleep as my head was a bit achy from the weekly overload.

Some days my head gets so full that it literally feels like built up pressure.  I look in the mirror waiting for the stem to spit out of my ears.

But it never does.

At moments, I want to be able to tilt my head over and shake some of the memos, thoughts, to-dos, expectations out of my head.

Still, it does not work.

Maybe my brain will become so full that it’ll start oozing out my ears. Tragic I am sure. But the pressure will be released.

Debunked. Only in my craziest imagination.

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This week I gave myself a break from some things that have become tedious and tasked for this season.

Besides some scribbled in appointments and a very rough check list, the pages of my planner stayed blank.  Its wonderful to have this tool in this season.  But it is just that, a tool, necessary for sanity.  Im not the cutesy planner chick.  Im the spur-of-the-moment afraid-of-committing-free-flowing kind of girl.

I gave myself permission not to plan out my days to a T this week.

I’ll admit it…I wore the same outfits a couple times this week. Outfit planning did not take my time.  I looked nice, not like I slept in a stable or anything.

I gave myself permission to be simple.

Seeing that the surf was going to be above par, I set the alarm the night before for early o’clock.  I woke reluctantly but soon excitement stirred.  The sunrise was breath-taking. Absolutely worth waking to see the rays kissing the waves.  A friend and I hung in the water until the world woke up.

I gave myself permission to be spontaneous and do something I love.

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I know this will not be my new norm.  My planner will be full of colorful markings and check lists.  Not all mornings will allow a spontaneous sunrise surf.

But I am still gleaning from a valuable perspective because I gave myself permission to do some things a bit differently this week.

I can appreciate certain disciplines more. Some disciplines even have become second nature. I saw where adjustments need to be made to take care of myself better.

Maybe your soul could use the break from a couple of tasks in your life.

Are you willing to give yourself permission to step away for a couple days from the to-do list, the planning, or whatever may be needing to air out a bit?

This is not time to have this big introspective ahh ha moment.  It is literally permission for a break.  The ahh ha moment may come and it may not, but do not force it.

Just break for fall.

Day 9:: The wolves

I stumbled upon this neat little video this evening.  It was a subtle reminder to me and felt it fit well here on Day 9.

 

What we “feed” is what we reflect.

What struck me the most is that which we try to ward off and wage war against often times increases.  There is something to be said about letting things go.  For me, the art of letting go often entails an honest confession before a very understanding Father. What about you?

My we deal the rest of the week with each wolf appropriately, so that we may gain a greater awareness of ourselves.

 

Day 3:: The Ups of Downs

A little light,
shaking within.
Shaking without,
Nerves be calm.

A thought,
world untraveled.
World discovered,
Dreams find rest.

A call,
desire chased.
Desire laid up,
Moments in stillness.

 

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Somedays there are not many words.  Despite our volume, we reflect our inner fights.

When we turn to Him in the midst of our battling, He is faithful to show that He is right beside us fighting on our behalf.

What is your outward behavior reflecting about your inner state of being?  In an honest still moment would you let Him see?  He is faithful to show you something in return.

7 years

(warning: brain dump)

I used to think Chai Tea Latte’s to be disgusting.  Now I love them, and actually they are my preferred drink at the coffee shop up the road.  A biology major once told me that every seven years we acquire new taste buds.  Which could very well explain why some things we disliked as a child but love to eat as an adult.  I’m sure we have to get over the mental block telling us not to attempt to eat something we once found gross.

I think I’m starting to understand a bit more about how I tick.  Or maybe I’m just seeing right now how I perceive and thrive.  I can’t look back and say how I am now is how I’ve always been.  And I’ve always been one to get frustrated with, yet love personality tests all at the same time.  Oh yea, I remember scoring pretty down the middle on some of those what side of the brain do you use most tests and a few personality quizzes.

Right now I can’t help but wonder if my perceptive and relational taste buds are going through some change.  I need to be around others to feel I have purpose. And I need physical affection. I just don’t want that hug, I need it.  Oh, you need to get past me so you put your hand on my back to let me know you are coming around me…I don’t mind, in fact I just felt valued.  You are hurting? Well I cant fix you like I use to try but I know I can be as present with you as possible. I need to be seen for who I am. I need affirmation because I’m definitely my worst critic. I goofed again, I need grace after I admit I’m wrong. Because dissension breaks my heart. I need to be around others so I don’t get down, but when it’s been a long day I need you to let me unplug in silence.

I don’t feel like I’m the same as I was 5 years ago.  I’ve shed some believes about some things and I’ve gained new ones. I keep evolving through each lesson I learn and through the interactions with God, people, and things around me. But I am who I am. I was built a certain way and that doesn’t change too drastically. But my awareness of who I am seems to change quite a bit.  Or maybe it is just that I’m shedding those barriers that keep me from being me.

I saw someone write the other day.  “I am who I am, if you don’t like it, too bad”. Bold statement. But can that be backed up. Or is it just a barrier to hide behind while no one sees the true you?

Im a work in progress. A person on a journey. One with a story. I’m a living being evolving and transforming.

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